Quitting My Job

Today I gave my boss notice I was leaving my internship two months early. It was a decision I agonized over for weeks, and if I’m being honest, I feel incredibly guilty about it.

I started my internship in May. It was what I expected – not very exciting, I didn’t make any work friends, and I was frustrated by the bureaucracy of the public sector. But I was learning a lot and I knew the mediocre experience I was having was worth it to have this experience on my resume. I also sincerely valued the knowledge I was learning.

When my boss asked me in July to stay on through the end of the Fall semester, I said yes. The job was well-paying, staying on seemed easier than trying to find a new internship, and as much as it pained me at times, learning from the inside how the public sector operates was fascinating (for better and for worse).

By the end of August I was starting to feel burned out. I went to work the day after my grandmother’s funeral and in that emotionally unguarded state I finally admitted to myself how much I hated my job. My boss and I had moved to new department with no other staff or resources, I was constantly being asked to do work I didn’t have the knowledge or time to do, and my boss was too busy to provide sufficient guidance on my work. The project I was working on was getting highly technical and I just couldn’t make myself learn this advanced topic I really didn’t care about.

Once I had the realization I hated my work it consumed every moment of my being while I was in the office. I was doing fine work and my boss was very happy with me but I didn’t feel energized or excited, was doing the bare minimum and knew I could be doing better, and knew I was starting to give off bad energy.

On one hand, I was truly miserable at work. I knew the type of work I was doing was not what I wanted to do when I graduated and started to feel anxious about not spending my time on activities more aligned with my interests. On the other hand, my boss heavily relied on me to support her work (we were the only two people in our department), and I did tell her I would stay on for another 3 months. Oof.

I hated the idea of quitting, and my mom told me to suck it up and stick it out, but I quit. I gave my boss a full month’s notice (which is a long time!) and gave my notice in a way that didn’t burn any bridges. I explained how valuable I found the internship but that with only 8 months to go until graduation, I needed to be strategic with how I spent my time and so wanted to spend it doing things more relevant to my career interests. My boss is super disappointed and stressed but she understands that I need to do what’s best for me.

I feel really bad about the position I’m putting my boss in but that can’t be my concern. I know that sounds harsh but it’s not my fault my boss doesn’t have more support or staff for her department, and that’s not anything that was going to change soon. I owe allegiance to myself and my career, not the organization where it would never be a good time to leave.

That said, I still feel guilty. A part of me feels like I should have been more of a professional and toughed it out, but a louder part of me said that my time would be better served somewhere else and that sticking something out for the sake of doing so just isn’t smart. I knew I deserved to treat myself better than that internship and that my boss deserved an intern who cared more than I did.

This last month is going to be painful, having to deal with my sad and stressed boss, but I’m ecstatic at knowing I’m leaving soon. This internship zapped all my energy and enthusiasm and I can’t wait to get it back. 

 

Cover photo credit: Suad Kamardeen